HOLY 3D CHRISTMAS!

Happy Holidays, fellow nerds. Here is a Christmas movie I wrote with an 80s vibe for the whole family. 

To put it briefly… An animator converts old cartoons into 3D. A Holiday wish & some weird science helps his cartoon character magically enter the real (3D) world for Christmas.

There’s a lot of slapstick humour, but also a lot of emotion.

I think adults and children alike will have fun with this Holiday story.

I hope you enjoy it…

***This short film is submitted here in the experimental PICTUREplay format…It is written as a one hour holiday special for television…Images may not match perfectly. The aim here is to make for more entertaining scrolling.***

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H O L Y   3 D   C H R I S T M A S !

copyright, all rights reserved 12/2014 – thelastfountain(at)gmail com

FADE IN:

EXT. A CARTOON WINTER WONDERLAND – DAY

Animated snowflakes fall from the bright blue sky. Sunrays reach for the winter wonderland below.

A 4 foot tall squirrel named ACORN builds a snowman.

ACORN… looks something like this

He wears a green hooded sweatshirt. A big black robber’s eye-mask makes him seem at least a little deviant.

Acorn prepares a boulder for the snowman’s head, rolling it across a long field of snow.

Smoke billows from a cabin’s chimney.

A picnic table is occupied by a large 2-foot (actual) acorn resting on its surface.

Acorn adds the head onto the snowman.

He places two lumps of coal for eyes.

He adjusts a carrot into the snowman’s face.

The squirrel admires his snowman. He smiles large.

    ACORN (sings) Merry Christmas to me.

A large shadow slowly grows behind Acorn, reaching across the snowman.

    ACORN (cont.) Merry Christmas to m–

A thunderous flapping sound draws the squirrel’s attention to the ominous shadow.

Acorn slowly cranks his neck.

A large 5 foot tall CROW swoops into the valley. His wingspan must be nearly 20 feet wide.

There’s a loud WHOOSH each time the enormous wings flap.

    ACORN Oh, shhhh–ugar balls.

The crow aims his talons for that large appetizing acorn.

It lands on the picnic table. It’s claws embedding in the wooden surface.

    ACORN Heh, that’s mine. Leave it alone.

A mischevious smile grows across the crow’s long beak, as he reaches down to the ground, and prepares a large snowball.

    ACORN Don’t even, you big nasty mess of feath–

SPLAT! Acorn is hit, square in the face by a messy snowball.

The slush slides down his shocked face.

    ACORN You?

The crow points its wing to itself.

    CROW Me?

ACORN… in a variety of poses

    ACORN Yeah. You… (hesitates) Y-You… farp.

    CROW Farp?

    ACORN Yeah. Farp: a lethal combination of burp and fart. You do both those at the same time and you die.

    CROW What?

    ACORN You die. That’s what lethal means, beak for brains.

    CROW No. You can’t die from… THAT? Um, can you?

    ACORN It’s true. Go on. Look it up in your Funk-n-Wagnel’s.

    CROW Whoah. Did you just say the F-word?

    ACORN Funk AND Wagnel’s. It’s a dictionary. Ever heard of those?

    CROW What do I care? I just want that nut?

Acorn, accordantly, pulls out a dictionary from some hidden compartment within his hoody.

He whips the thick book at the crow.

It hits the bird in his face and falls to the picnic table.

    CROW I can’t believe you just did that?

    ACORN Believe it. You hit me with snow, I hit you with knowledge… Farp.

The crow whips through the dictionary pages. He licks his feathered finger and flips some more. He finds it.

    CROW Me? A farp: a sharp expellation of gas? Through both exits?

    ACORN Exact-o-mundo.

    CROW But that’s nothing like me?

    ACORN Isn’t it though?

The squirrel has successfully confused the dim-witted crow. The large bird searches for a retort.

    ACORN How dare you fire upon an unarmed squirrel. But what should I expect from a big dumb thievin’ bird.

    CROW Okay. I know this much. Them’s fightin words.

The crow whips the book back at the squirrel.

WHIFF. Acorn ducks it.

    CROW Nice Acorn you got here. Mind if I eat it, little squirrel?

    ACORN Acorn? That’s my name, don’t wear it out.

The crow’s proverbial jaw drops. He cowers.

    CROW (aside) No. That name?

    ACORN So, Big Bird, if you want THAT acorn, you’ll have to go through me first.

Acorn tosses a snowball in his hand.

    CROW Acorn? I’ve heard of you. It can’t be? No.

    ACORN Oh it BE. It SO be me.

Acorn whips the snowball. Crow dodges, taking to the air.

He flies over to the cabin and lands on its roof.

The squirrel gives chase, heading for the cabin.

He throws another snowball at the crow above, but it falls short – out of his range.

The crow laughs at the little squirrel down below.

    CROW Nice arm, girly man. You’re nothing like the stories. Pathetic. Let me show you how it’s done.

The crow makes a big snowball and launches it.

Acorn runs for protection behind the snowman.

The ground is pelted by multiple snowballs, as the squirrel darts for cover.

It’s like a twisted holiday version of NAM. The snow explodes around Acorn like its shrapnel from a grenade.

The crow laughs into the cold air. Smoke billows behind his large frame. Menacing.

Acorn hides behind his cover. He breathes heavily.

The crow flies off the roof and swoops back in for the acorn on the picnic table.

    CROW You’re not so tough after all. Playing hide-n-go-seek behind a snowman. Coward.

He lands on the table and grabs the large acorn.

The crow looks over to the snowman. Amazement rushes across his face – his beak opens wide. Stunned.

Acorn grabs the large head off of the snowman, raises it high over his head.

    ACORN You were saying?

The squirrel WHIPS the large boulder at the crow.

BAM! The giant snowball hits the target.

The crow’s beak sticks out of the snowman’s head atop its own head.

The acorn falls to the ground, sinking into the snow.

RING RING.

A phone blares in the distance.

The squirrel looks to the sky.

The ringing echoes, sounding very far away.

The crow bobs its “snow-head” – saying something muffled as it looks for the ringing sound.

RING RING.

Acorn searches for the source of this strange sound, watching snowflakes cascade on this cartoon wonderland.

Again, and again. RING RING.

The snowflakes slowly loose their animated aesthetic…

EXT. TOWNHOUSE – sunset (live action)

…as snowflakes fall on a small subdivision of plug and play houses.

It looks more like a Lego-set than a community.

RING RING.

Perfect flakes float across Christmas lights. Red snowflake. Green snowflake.

Children build snowmen and forts on their front lawns.

A father and son team shovel their laneway.

INT. TOWNHOUSE – continuous

A frosted window looks out to the community at play.

RING RING.

ELLIOT… (*as played here by JAY BARUCHEL)

Seated at an artist’s draft table is a scruffy haired ELLIOT (early 30s).

He draws with a professional graphite pencil on thick porous paper – it’s the opening scene of Acorn and Crow in STORYBOARD format.

He’s in a trance. The persistent RINGING goes ignored.

Then, the graphite tip of his pencil SNAPS.

Elliot looks to the phone, his face scrunched in anger. Annoyed he’s been interrupted.

He swipes at his phone and taps the SPEAKER button.

E L L I O T

    ELLIOT Sir?

    STEINWEIN (OS) Elliot–

    ELLIOT I know what you’re thinkin, Mr. Steinwein.

    STEINWEIN (OS) Do you? And?

    ELLIOT It’s the holidays, sir.

    STEINWEIN (OS) And with your extra free time I thought I could toss you this project.

    ELLIOT But, sir?

INT. OFFICE – continuous

A large desk dominates a boardroom-like office.

MR. STEINWEIN (mid-50s), looking dapper, adjusts his tie.

    STEINWEIN Elliot. You know how it is. The staff, they all have families, and…

He paces around his desk as he talks on the speakerphone.

    STEINWEIN (cont.) And the holidays are busy. Stressful. And… Well.

Steinwein grabs a jacket slung over his chair. He swings it around his arms.

INTERCUT: ELLIOT’S HOUSE / STEINWEIN’S OFFICE

Elliot shakes his head. Disappointed.

He looks to the ceiling and closes his eyes.

    ELLIOT (understanding) I don’t have any family.

Steinwein grabs a bottle from his desk and pours himself a glass of whiskey.

    STEINWEIN Exactly. So you understand?

    ELLIOT (OS) I’d still like to have time off though.

    STEINWEIN It won’t take that long. The conversion process is down to, what, hours?

Elliot sighs in frustration.

    ELLIOT Right, but Christmas Eve is tomor–

    STEINWEIN (OS) That’s why we’re talking now. Time’s running out. Look Elliot, if you can’t do this then maybe–

    ELLIOT Alright, sir. Send me the files. And… I’ll do my best.

    STEINWEIN I know you will. You know what kids like.

    ELLIOT Of course.

    STEINWEIN Exactly. That’s why you’re perfect for this.

    ELLIOT Right. Um. Mr. Steinwein… Since I have you on the phone. And since you said you’d listen to–

    STEINWEIN Is this about your cartoon, son?

Elliot looks to his drawing table. His animated storyboards with the squirrel named Acorn.

    ELLIOT Well. Yes. Sir.

    STEINWEIN I told you. I’ll look at… Through the proper channels.

    ELLIOT But, sir, you just said yourself, I know what kids like.

    STEINWEIN You– You’re right, Elliot. You’re doing me a favour, so I’ll return one. Hit me with it.

    ELLIOT Okay. So. It’s called Acorn.

    STEINWEIN Called what?

Elliot circles his drawing room, walking past tacked up pictures of Acorn from throughout the years.

    ELLIOT (quickly, manic) Acorn. He’s this lil’ squirrel who’s always getting into trouble. He’s got this burglar mask, cuz he’s always stealin’ nuts and stuff. He’s quick too. Oh. And his arch nemesis is this big Crow who keeps taking his food on him and–

    STEINWEIN Elliot. Slow down. So it’s like Tweety Bird or Road Runner or something, right?

    ELLIOT Um. I guess. Ya. I loved those growin up.

    STEINWEIN Been done before.

Steinwise slams down the rest of his drink and rises from his chair.

    ELLIOT What hasn’t? You’re the one bringin back 80s cartoons.

Steinwein puts on his jacket. Ready to leave.

    STEINWEIN Elliot, now don’t get smart.

    ELLIOT It’s important to me, sir.

Steinwein thinks on this a moment. He sits back down.

    STEINWEIN Okay. What inspired you?

    ELLIOT Well… How do I put this? M–My best friend, Kevin, died when I was 10.

    STEINWEIN What?

    ELLIOT The squirrel is him.

    STEINWEIN I know I said make it quick, but you can’t just hit me with something like that and not explain. Yeesh.

Steinwein gets comfortable and pours another glass.

    STEINWEIN (CONT.) So it’s a passion project, huh, Elliot? Tell me about it. Acorn? Tell me about Acorn.

Elliot looks out to the small children throwing snowballs at each other outside his window.

    ELLIOT Rewind to Christmas Eve, like 20 years ago. It’s me, and it’s Kevin…

Elliot stares at his reflection in the window.

    ELLIOT (cont.) …my best friend ever.

The reflection of himself SHIMMERS as a TRANSITION…

EXT. FRONT YARD – NIGHT – FLASHBACK

Two 10 year old boys build a fort.

They add more and more snow to it. It’s gigantic, over 6 feet tall.

KEVIN smiles through his freckles as he builds up the inner walls, packing snow hard into the surface.

Elliot rolls a boulder, making it larger with each rotation.

    ELLIOT (VoiceOver) I was tryin’ to stay up all night. You know, wait for Santa. I was sure he was real. Kevin? Not so much. I Walkee Talkeed him to come over. See, he just lived next door.

Kevin refines a shelf of snowballs, ready to fire.

    ELLIOT (VO, cont.) So he came over. And we went back and forth debating the existence of Santa Claus. I thought I was winnin’ that battle.

Elliot smooths over the roof of their fort. He hops down to the ground and enters the fort.

    ELLIOT Looks good. I’m gonna get the lantern so Santa can see the runway.

    KEVIN You Farp. If Santa’s real, do you really think he can see one lousy lantern from outer space?

    ELLIOT Um… Maybe?

A BIT LATER…

The boys running up the laneway holding as many lanterns as they can manage. 4 or 5.

The lanterns are semi-transparent canvas bags, with a candle inside (an old tradition).

The kids line them up on the fort’s roof.

They stand back and admire their fort.

    ELLIOT Is it midnight yet?

Kevin scrunches up his mitts to see his calculator watch.

    KEVIN Not yet. You really think he shows up at midnight exactly?

    ELLIOT Duh. Who’s the farp now?

    KEVIN (scratches his head) Is that midnight eastern standard time or–

    ELLIOT Doofus. Don’t ruin Christmas.

    KEVIN No really is it like midnight for your house and like twelve-oh-three for my house. Cuz then Tommy will get his gifts at like twelve twenty. And then–

    ELLIOT Kevin. It’s Santa. And Santa is magic. It doesn’t work like that.

    KEVIN Oh, so how’s it work, Elly? Santa just touches his nose and it’s midnight everywhere.

    ELLIOT Somethin like that.

    KEVIN Okay, you wait out here. I’m gonna add to the fort. You know, do somethin produc-ta-tive.

    ELLIOT Come on, Kev. Wait with me. What if I’m right?

    KEVIN If you are I owe you a Lick-A-Maid. Okay? Now, I’ll be inside the fort. If you see Rudolph’s nose gimme a holler.

    ELLIOT Just wait. You’ll see.

    KEVIN (scratches his head) Rrrright? Well, in case that wait is a while, I’ll be inside… Farp.

Kevin retreats back inside the fort.

Elliot climbs the roof and looks to the sky. He scans the stars looking for Santa.

     ELLIOT You know, Kev. Sometimes. You just need to be a kid.

INTERCUT: INT. / EXT. FORT

Kevin goes about carving a window in the snow walls, gripping a long sharp icicle.

    KEVIN (sarcastic) Yeah. Be a kid. By, like, building a FORT or sumthin.

    ELLIOT Quit it. You’re always makin fun of me. The Holidays are the only time of the year that everyone gets to be kids.

    KEVIN Who told you that, your Uncle Mike?

    ELLIOT So what?

    KEVIN He just wants to play with your toys.

    ELLIOT No. He gets it. He told me he misses being a kid. He told me to never stop being a kid.

    KEVIN What a nerd. You ARE a kid.

    ELLIOT Yeah but that’s not what he means. He says Santa’s real.

    KEVIN They all do. It’s like this secret code grown-ups have.

    ELLIOT No, he said he had proof.

    KEVIN Proof? Ya right. Did they even have cameras invented back then?

    ELLIOT He says he saw Santa.

    KEVIN And you believe him?

    ELLIOT Well, it’s like, do you have any proof he ISN’T real?

    KEVIN (scratches head) Um. Well.

Elliot still scans the stars. He loosens his long scarf so he can turn his head easier.

    ELLIOT See. So at midnight, we’re gonna see him up there. And he’s gonna see our landing strip. And he’s gonna—

    KEVIN What? Stop in and say Hi? He’ll be pretty ticked off when he sees we don’t have cookies and carrots.

    ELLIOT Yeah. Maybe. And if he does, you’ll be down there. And you’ll never know.

    KEVIN Yeah. But the fort will be way better.

Elliot stares at the stars. Smoke starts to furl up towards his field of vision.

He looks down and sees his scarf burning on an open lantern flame. He yells.

    KEVIN What? Santa? Yeah right. Like I’m gonna fall for that… You farp.

Elliot keeps yelling. He starts to stomp on his scarf. It falls off his shoulders. He keeps stomping.

Kevin looks up to the ceiling of the fort. His smile fades. Snow dust tumbles down from the impact of Elliot.

Elliot does one final stomp. The roof caves in.

Kevin scrambles for the exit. Too late. The ceiling heaves and crumbles onto his small body.

Elliot’s snow-pants have caught fire. He rolls around in the snow, trying to stamp out the flames.

A light comes on from an upstairs window of the house. Elliot’s mother looks out the window. She covers her mouth, in shock.

Elliot stands up. He searches for Kevin. He sees the fallen lanterns, some still burning in the rubble of their fort.

    ELLIOT (crying) Kevin?! Kevin!

Elliot scrambles about the snow. He digs quickly with his hands. He cries as he tries to unbury his friend.

    ELLIOT NARRATION I never stopped hating myself for that night. It wasn’t until weeks later, when my Uncle introduced me to drawing that it all got better for me. He said it would help get the emotions out.So I made up ACORN. The squirrel. He’s Kevin. He acts the same. Thinks the same.

Mom & Dad run from the front door, in housecoats and boots.

Elliot digs through the snow. Crying and yelling.

    ELLIOT NARRATION Whenever I get sad and miss him, I just sit down and draw. And there I am. Hangin’ out with Kev like I’m 10 years old again. See, Mr. Steinwein, Acorn IS Kevin. And I wanna share HIM with the world.

Elliot uncovers something blue. A mitten – Kevin’s lifeless mitten reaching out through the snow.

END FLASHBACK:

INT. APT – night

Elliot lays on his elbows, looking at a drawing of Acorn resting on his drawing table.

    ELLIOT So… whadda ya think?… Sir?… Hello? You still there?

INTERCUT: OFFICE

Steinwein stares at the speaker phone. He clears his throat.

    STEINWEIN Um. Ya. I’m here.

    ELLIOT Well?

    STEINWEIN Kid, that’s so blinkin’ sad. And this is for children to watch?

    ELLIOT Maybe you didn’t hear me right. It’s not about THAT night. Kevin is the inspiration for the squirrel.

    STEINWEIN (obnoxious) Riiiiiight.

    ELLIOT It’s fun. Maybe that didn’t come across. Can’t you just watch it and see what you think?

    STEINWEIN Watch it? You mean I don’t have to read it?

    ELLIOT I made a short, years ago. Tell you what, I’ll convert your cartoons, if I can convert mine. Then we’ll see what you think.

    STEINWEIN Let me think on it, Elliot. First, convert those cartoons.

    ELLIOT (rolls his eyes) You’re right. I’ll send the 3D files over to the main server once I’m done.

    STEINWEIN Thanks, El. You’re a real life saver.

    ELLIOT Ummm. Right. Bad choice of words there–

    STEINWEIN Happy holidays.

With that, Mr. Steinwein hangs up.

Elliot stares at the phone. He picks up the phone likes going to throw it at the window. He stops himself though.

Outside the window he can see children playing – building a fort for the holidays.

FADE:

MONTAGE:

Elliot sits at his COMPUTER workstation converting an old 1980s cartoon called M*A*S*K.

His task is to set layers for the 3D effect. He selects which are the foreground and background. And which are extremely close to make the “audience jump back” 3D effect.

While he works at the station he gobbles up snack foods and chugs energy drinks.

He paces the room while the conversion completion bar grows from 75% to 100%.

Elliot sits in his living room watching the cartoon with 3D glasses on. He snacks on some popcorn.

Another cartoon, THE GUMMI BEARS, undergoes the same process as the night sky outside becomes the MORNING sky.

The conversion completes as Elliot rustles in his bed, taking an afternoon nap.

Elliot paces his drawing room. He looks at drawings of Acorn, the robber squirrel, and the crow villain.

His phone beeps with a message:

  ” u comin over for drinks – the girl next door “

He swipes the message away.

He thinks about it a second.

He looks to his phone. It shows the date: DECEMBER 24.

The conversion process continues as the NIGHT sky returns.

Elliot rips a drawing off of the wall. It’s ACORN.

He opens a cigar box. It’s empty, except for a shiny USB thumb-drive. He smiles, then reaches in a grabs it.

The USB inserts into the 3D conversion drive.

The computer mouse icon scrolls across to the folder labelled ACORN.

He clicks the folder open and drags the movie file into the 3D conversion program.

The title screen for ACORN is modified to LEAP OUT in 3D.

Elliot smiles large, illuminated by the glow of the computer.

Snowflakes begin to fall outside his window. He looks out the winter wonderland, through the frosted glass of his window.

    ELLIOT (sighs) I miss you, Kev.

The mouse icon drags across the time: 11:59.

And it continues across the screen. The icon reaches a confirmation box.

CLICK OK TO BEGIN CONVERSION. The mouse clicks on OK.

The time shifts from 11:59 to 12:00.

Elliot rises from his work station and walks to the window. He stares up to the snowy sky. The stars. The snowflakes.

Elliot slides under the covers of his bed. He stares at the ceiling and closes his eyes.

The workstation. The conversion device. It pulses with light from within. Green and red, alternating bursts. The light shines through the heat vents.

The floor near the workstation is littered with a few crumpled pieces of paper. One is a drawing of Acorn, the squirrel.

WHAM! A large 2 foot acorn drops onto the floor. It’s the same acorn from the earlier animated segment.

Except, it’s NOT animated now. It’s REAL – somehow existing in three dimensions.

FADE:

EXT. TOWNHOUSE – MORNING

Snow falls on Christmas morning. The streets are empty. But every house is full of life. Decorated for the holidays, and shining bright full of lights.

INT. TOWNHOUSE – CONTINuOUS

Elliot is asleep in his bed.

    VOICE Ho ho ho.

Elliot groggily opens one eye. He looks to the frosted window. Snow falls outside.

    VOICE Ho ho ho.

Elliot looks around his room. His eyes snap wide. His jaw drops. He curls his knees into his chest.

    VOICE Ho ho ho.

At the end of his bed stands a 4 foot tall squirrel, with a robber’s mask and a red hooded sweatshirt.

    ACORN (cont.) Merry Christmas.

Elliot goes to make a sound. Nothing comes out. He sheepishly makes an EEP sound as he stumbles for words.

    ELLIOT A-a-a- Acorn?

    ACORN That’s my name don’t wear it out.

    ELLIOT You’re… You’re real?

    ACORN (scratches his head) I’m 3D, bro. In living colour.

    ELLIOT But… What?

    ACORN Do you see what I see?

    ELLIOT Um. What?

    ACORN (sings) Do you see what IIIIII seeee?

Elliot shakes his head from the dream. Wait. It’s real.

Acorn keeps singing. Elliot rubs his eyes. Still real.

The squirrel points out the window to the falling snow.

    ACORN It’s snowing on Christmas. How perfect is THAT?

    ELLIOT (perplexed) Yeah. “That”.

Acorn hops onto Elliot’s bed. He brings his snout really close to the cowering Elliot.

He sniffs and SNIFFS. Loudly.

    ACORN Well, you’re real too. Holy holiday ornaments, it’s you. Elliot? (smirks, chuckles) You… Farp.

    ELLIOT (realizing) Um. Kevin?

    ACORN (nods) You still believe in holiday miracles, El?

    ELLIOT You mean–

    ACORN Get over it, buddy. I’m real. Maybe the one holiday wish that gets to come true each year was yours this time?

    ELLIOT (sarcastic) Maybe?

    ACORN You’re right. It for sure was your’s.

    ELLIOT This is… This is–

    ACORN (scratches his head) Nuts?

    ELLIOT (smirks) Nuts.

    ACORN What can I say? First thing that came to mind. Say, where can I roast this giant acorn?

Acorn pulls a giant acorn from behind his back.

    ELLIOT No way.

    ACORN Yes way.

Acorn smirks. He tosses the nut in the air and catches it.

EXT. HALLWAY – MORNING

Elliot pulls his bathrobe tight as he rushes down the hallway. Acorn, the squirrel, quickly follows dragging the large acorn.

    ACORN Where we goin, El?

    ELLIOT I gotta check something.

    ACORN Oh, are we building a snowman?

    ELLIOT No. You haven’t seen anyone else in here have you?

    ACORN Whadda ya mean?

    ELLIOT You’re the only thing, uh, brought into real 3D right? No Gummi Bears or transforming vehicles?

    ACORN Now, that’s nuts. Just me, El. What are you thinking?

    ELLIOT I don’t know how holiday magic works. Is it the 3D converter that brought you, um, here?

    ACORN It was you buddy. All you. Well, and some weird science.

    ELLIOT But that’s–

    ACORN It is what is. Now I don’t know how long I got here. But there’s something I got to do.

    ELLIOT What?

    ACORN It’s of the upmost importance. A matter of urgency. I must find… Christmas pancakes.

The squirrel smiles large.

INT. KITCHEN – MORNING

Acorn goes about messily making pancakes.

Puffs of flour explode into the air. Milk is spilt across the counter.

The manic squirrel bounces all around the kitchen, as he makes his pancakes. Elliot just watches in amazement.

A black feather floats down in front of Elliot’s face. He follows it to the ground, as it lands next to an eggshell.

    ELLIOT Crow!

Acorn snaps his gaze towards Elliot. A giant shadow of huge wings crosses his face.

    ACORN Crow!

Elliot runs around the kitchen, chased by the large crow.

    ACORN Holy 3D Christmas, Batman.

The squirrel food-fights the crow, throwing eggs and slabs of butter at it. The crow dodges.

Elliot grabs a frying pan and swipes at the large crow.

Acorn gets an idea. He points his finger to the air. An actual large light bulb appears over his head with a DING!

Elliot continues to chase and be chased by the crow.

Acorn smears peanut butter across the silver toaster. He pops down some bread. He whistles.

The crow whips his attention to the squirrel. And flies off.

Acorn jumps up the cupboards and lands on top of the fridge.

The crow lands on the counter and investigates the toaster.

It sniffs with its beak and backs off from the warmth. It spies the red coils heating up within the toaster.

Acorn watches from on top of the fridge. He holds a silver butter knife.

The crow cautiously licks the peanut butter on the toaster.

Elliot pats some flour off his head. He notices the squirrel and the crow. He puts out his hands.

    ELLIOT No. Acorn. Don’t.

The crow looks to Elliot, looks to Acorn.

Acorn holds the shiny knife.

ACORN… another artist rendition

    ACORN Asta la pasta, basta’.

He drops the knife into the toaster. It explodes with a flash of electricity.

The crow is ZAPPED. His skeleton shines through his feathers for a moment. X-RAYED. And POOF he disappears.

A black shadow is cast on the cupboards. A gunpowder like scorch of the crow. A lone black feather floats down.

    ELLIOT What… was that?

    ACORN (scratches his head) Genius? I just saved your life, farp head.

    ELLIOT You just exploded a giant bird in my kitchen.

    ACORN (sarcastic) And? I just saved your life, El. You think you’d be thankful or sumthin’.

Elliot searches for a response. He stutters. He looks to the carnage in his kitchen.

    ACORN (shrugs) He wanted my nuts.

Elliot folds his arms, unimpressed. He looks to Acorn.

He can’t hold it. Elliot laughs. So does Acorn.

FADE:

EXT. STREET – morning

A few children play outside in front of their houses.

A dad peeks out his front door, bundled in a large housecoat with a steaming coffee. He watches his children play with fond eyes.

Another house, another father – this one shoveling the driveway. Another house, a mother builds a snowman with her children.

There is a snowball fight in progress, one little girl takes on two boys by herself.

She’s handling herself quite well, smiling as she pelts the boys with snowballs.

EXT. ELLIOT’s HOUSE – continuous

Mittens mold the perfect snowball.

Elliot readies himself for an attack. He pops up behind a mound of snow, in his backyard.

He spots a squirrel tail peeking over a trench wall.

Elliot winds up his arm, ready to throw.

Acorn pops up over the trench wall. SMUCK! He’s hit right in the face.

Elliot cheers from the opposite end of the back yard.

    ELLIOT Who’s the farp now?

Acorn just laughs and laughs. He points at Elliot, whose excitement fades quickly.

    ELLIOT What’s so funny?

    ACORN That word… Sounds super-weird when you say it.

    ELLIOT Whatever. I got you.

Acorn keeps laughing until Elliot joins in.

A large shadow grows over Acorn. Large wings. The CROW.

Acorn points to the sky.

    ACORN B-b-baaad.

    ELLIOT (sings) “Bad to the bone.”

    ACORN No. Bad guy… Look.

The crow lands on Elliot’s roof. Right above Elliot.

Snow shifts on the roof, and slides down. Some falls right into Elliot’s collar, down his neck.

    ELLIOT Ahhh, not the neck.

Elliot reacts to the cold.

Meanwhile, Acorn reacts to the crow. He quickly leaps over his snowy trench and runs over to Elliot.

    ACORN El. That crow. He’s dangerous.

    ELLIOT Yeah. Duh. I made him. I know all about him.

    ACORN True. So what’s the plan.

    ELLIOT Plan?

    ACORN Yeah. He’s back from the toaster grave.

    ELLIOT How is that possible?

    ACORN Really? You’re wondering how THAT’S possible?

    ELLIOT Well, he kinda, like, exploded in my kitchen.

    ACORN He’s an animated villain – he can’t die. Those are the rules.

    ELLIOT Rules?

    ACORN Yeah. Rules. You know what those are right.

    ELLIOT It means we can’t stop him.

The crow caws loudly from the roof. It takes to flight. It climbs high into the sky, then carves downwards fast.

Acorn peeks out from under the roof’s protection. His jaw drops. The crow’s large shadow grows over his face.

The crow dives, fast, down into Elliot’s backyard.

    ACORN We gotta move. Fast.

    ELLIOT What?

    ACORN Do I need to repeat everything? The crow is flocking this way.

    ELLIOT What?

  ACORN So, let’s get the flock out of here.

WHAM! A giant bloom of powdery snow flies at Acorn and Elliot. The crow has landed.

It’s large head peaks through the whirlwind of snow. His beak smiles.

    CROW Boo!

Elliot cowers in fear. He steps back and stumbles.

The crow’s large talon takes a step forward. It’s large frame ducks under the overhanging roof.

Elliot is grabbed by the Crow’s large wing.

Acorn scurries over. He dodges a swipe from the other wing.

He leaps, and bounces off the large feathery surface. He lands near the crow’s feet. And bites an ankle.

The crow screams in pain, and drops Elliot from its grasp.

The large bird cranks its neck and glares at the small squirrel – Acorn gulps.

The crow takes to flight, with Acorn holding onto its ankle.

    ELLIOT Acorn. No!

Acorn looks down, he’s already too high to jump.

    ACORN El! Go! Get that nut!

The crow flies over the house, higher and higher.

Elliot watches in fear. He composes himself and bolts for the back door to his house.

EXT. STREET – Continuous

Acorn looks to the street far below. He hangs on tight.

The crow notices Acorn, still on its ankle. It tries to shake him loose.

Acorn looks down to a large fort in someone’s front yard.

The crow’s large shadow is cast on three children near the fort. They are in the middle of a snowball fight.

E M I L Y

A little girl notices the shadow and looks up.

She sees Acorn falling from the sky – he’s yelling the whole way down.

POOF! Acorn lands on the snowfort. It collapses, breaking his fall.

The little girl turns to her friends.

An angry boy points to her.

    BOY Emily just broke our fort. Get her.

    EMILY It wasn’t me. Didn’t you see him? Flying in the air?

    BOY Santa? Yeah right, do you think Santa Claus likes to break–

CAFFF! Acorn pops out of the fort, coughing.

The boy’s anger shifts to awe.

The three children stare at the squirrel.

Acorn pats some snow off of his head. He forces a smile.

Emily smiles back. The boys are still shocked.

The crow swoops down to the street.

    ACORN Run!

The children look to the sky – the crow gets closer and closer. They run.

The boys run home, down opposite ends of the street.

Emily runs to her own fort, nearby.

Elliot pops out of his front door. He surveills the scene. He spots Acorn and the kids. And the crow.

He looks down to the large acorn in his arms.

    ELLIOT (to himself) This is nuts.

He whistles loud to get the crow’s attention.

    ELLIOT Yo. Big Bird. Over here.

Acorn whips his attention to Elliot. His friend runs down the street with the nut in his arms.

The crow flies over to Elliot instead.

Elliot notices the bird coming fast. He skids to a stop on the snowy street. He turns and runs the other way.

    ACORN Elliot, run!

    ELLIOT No kidding.

The crow chases Elliot – like that large plane chasing Jimmy Stewart in NORTH BY NORTHWEST.

Acorn looks for an idea. Emily pops up from her fort. She tosses a snowball in her hands.

She stands at a whole rack of pre-made snowballs.

    EMILY I’m ready.

Acorn points to the bird like an army general.

    ACORN Cover fire!

Acorn whips a snowball at the bird. Emily follows suit.

Elliot keeps running, as the large Crow gets pelted.

The snowball attack doesn’t seem to phase him too much.

The crow gets closer and closer to Elliot.

Emily chases the large bird, throwing snowballs.

Acorn takes to a telephone pole and runs along the wires. He is so agile, moving amazingly quick.

    ACORN Elliot. Toss it to me.

    ELLIOT You’re too far.

    ACORN Quite being a wuss. Just do it.

The crow is just a few feet away from Elliot now.

Elliot stops. And whips the acorn high into the air.

It spins as it arcs high into the sky.

TIME SLOWS TO A CRAWL…

The crow watches as it passes him in the air.

It quickly turns on a dime, and tries to catch the nut as it goes by.

The large bird just misses.

The nut rockets by the Crow, high up towards Acorn, standing on a wire, ready to catch it.

Emily watches in awe, cheering.

The crow finishes its mid-air pivot.

Elliot watches in anticipation.

The nut arcs towards Acorn’s waiting grasp.

It’s going to fall short. He reaches out on his tippy-toes.

The acorn get closer. The crow gets closer.

Acorn’s foot leaves the wire. He catches the nut, just before the Crow reaches it.

TIME RETURNS TO NORMAL…

As Acorn catches the nut in mid-air, his tail gains a prehinsile capability and latches onto the wire.

Acorn spins back up onto the wire, as the Crow is within inches. The squirrel lands on the taught wire with a TWANG.

Then, Acorn immediately jumps backwards off the wire.

TIME SLOWS BACK DOWN…

The crow will fly into the electric cables.

Its eyes snap alert.

Acorn, with the nut in one arm, jumping backwards, raises his other hand, makes a gun with his fingers and makes a P-CHOO P-CHOO shooting sound.

The crow tangles up into the wires. And get’s electrified.

TIME RETURNS TO NORMAL…

Elliot watches from the street. He smiles.

Emily cheers and runs towards Acorn.

Blue-white electricity forks around the large Crow until it disappears in an instance.

Acorn lands in soft snowbank. He is swallowed up, leaving behind a perfect imprint of his body.

Elliot rushes over to the snowbank, alongside Emily. He’s worried.

Then… up pops a thumb’s up. It’s Acorn.

Elliot pulls him out of the snow.

    EMILY Are you okay, little guy?

    ACORN Who’s little?

    ELLIOT Wow. I can’t believe that happened.

    ACORN Me neither.

    ELLIOT So what do we do now?

    ACORN Get this kid to sign a confidentiality agreement.

    EMILY Con-fee-dee- what?

    ELLIOT You won’t tell anyone what you saw will you?

    EMILY Yeah. It’s the best thing ever. I’m gonna Tweet this. It’ll go viral.

    ACORN Tweet? What the– I think this kid’s crazy.

    ELLIOT It’s to do with the Internet.

    ACORN The Inter-what?

    EMILY Is he… “special” or sumthin’?

    ACORN Why I oughta–

    ELLIOT Emily. He is really special.

    EMILY Are you gonna tell my mom?

    ELLIOT No. This is a secret.

    ACORN I’m a Christmas wish come true. You can’t tell anyone else.

    ELLIOT Yeah. What he said.

    EMILY Oh. Okay. But you’re so cool.

    ELLIOT Emily?

    EMILY Don’t worry Mister Avery, I got your back.

    ACORN Mister Avery?

    ELLIOT Yeah, I’m a mister now. Problem?

    ACORN (laughs) No. No problemo, Seniore.

    EMILY Are you sure he’s not special?

    ACORN I can hear you, you know?

    ELLIOT We’ll talk about this later, Em. You better go home. Your mom will be worried.

    EMILY But–

    ACORN Keep your eyes peeled. That crow will probably be back any second.

    ELLIOT We’ve got to unplug the machine.

    EMILY Machine?

Emily’s mom calls her inside from the front porch.

Acorn places a finger up to his lips. “Shhh.”

    EMILY I will… But, what’s your name?

Acorn looks up to Elliot for reassurance.

He nods in agreement.

    ACORN My name’s Kevin. Pleased to meet you Emily.

Mom continues to call.

    EMILY Come get me if you need back up, Kevin.

He nods and they shake (little) hands in agreement.

INT. OFFICE – day

The 3D conversion machine rests on the desk. The green ON light is glowing. Nothing unusual here.

    ACORN So how long do we have to wait for that Crow to come back?

    ELLIOT I’m not sure how it all works. When did you know… Um, get here?

    ACORN It was still dark. But I was confused. It took me a while to figure out what happened.

    ELLIOT Well, I guess we just stand guard.

    ACORN Why don’t we just unplug it?

    ELLIOT What if you disappear or something?

    ACORN If I disappear so does the Crow. We save the town. Easy PeeZee.

    ELLIOT Yeah, but…

    ACORN Don’t be selfish, El. It’s the holidays, remember.

    ELLIOT You’re right.

Acorn hops on the desk. He hops into Elliot’s arms. And they hug. Innocent. Beautiful.

    ELLIOT I love you, Kev.

Then Acorn reaches out with his tail and pulls out the plug.

He closes his eyes.

BLACKNESS… A moment.

Then Acorn opens his eyes to see Elliot, teary eyed.

    ACORN Are you crying?

    ELLIOT You’re still here.

    ACORN Apparently… And you said I love you too. Holy cow, you grew up to be so emotional. You wuss.

    ELLIOT Shut up… So if you’re still here.

    ACORN The Crow will reappear.

    ELLIOT That’s what I fear.

    ACORN Whoah, that totally all rhymed.

    ELLIOT Kevin! The light’s still on?!

    ACORN And that’s what suprises you about this magical machine?

    ELLIOT But that means–

    ACORN I got it… Weapons.

    ELLIOT What? You said it yourself. He’s a cartoon villain, he can’t die.

    ACORN Well, we can still defend ourselves.

    ELLIOT What else can we do though? There’s got to be something?

    ACORN I got it. Just draw up a new scene where we totally kick some crow butt. Then we’ll turn it into real life with the magic machine here.

    ELLIOT Do you know how long that would take?

    ACORN What?

    ELLIOT It takes twenty four drawings just to make one second of a cartoon. So that’s like what’s twenty-four times sixty.

    ACORN Eleven-ty billion.

    ELLIOT That’s not even a real number.

    ACORN Yet.

    ELLIOT I got it. We just need one picture. We don’t need a scene.

    ACORN Bingo bango, let’s do the fandango.

CUE MONTAGE:

MONTAGE: INT. OFFICE

Elliot draws up some basic weapons: a slingshot, a bow and arrow, a big net, a bear trap.

Acorn straps himself with a belt full of acorns, like they were bullets or something.

Elliot grabs a slingshot.

Acorn grabs a chainsaw.

Elliot grabs a pack of arrows.

Acorn turns on the chainsaw.

Elliot drapes a bow around his shoulders.

Acorn puts the chainsaw on his arm, like it was his hand.

    ACORN “Groovy.”

MONTAGE: EXT. BACKYARD

Elliot and Acorn fight the large crow.

It flies over the yard and they slingshot snowballs at it.

Acorn draws an arrow, he pulls it back.

    ACORN “Rambo”.

Elliot has his own arrow drawn and ready to shoot.

    ELLIOT “Katniss.”

They let loose their arrows.

The piercing tips fly for the crow.

The friends cheer in success. They high five.

    ELLIOT You know he’ll just come back in like five minutes. This is hopeless.

    ACORN Maybe we can pay him off? Bad guys like money right. That’s all they care about.

    ELLIOT We need to go to a bank then and take out some money.

    ACORN We’ll just draw some up.

MONTAGE: INT. OFFICE

A stack of green money. It looks so fake.

    ELLIOT This won’t work.

    ACORN Let me try.

MINUTES LATER…

A stack of gold coins. Elliot picks one up. So does Acorn.

    ELLIOT Are these real?

Acorn bites into one. It’s chocolate, covered in gold foil.

    ACORN Mmm. I’ve been craving these.

    ELLIOT Darn. The machine works off our intentions too.

    ACORN Let’s try a booby trap.

    ELLIOT (laughs) You said booby.

The two “kids” laugh it up.

MONTAGE: EXT. STREET

Another attack from the Crow.

Emily watches from her window next door.

Nuts are laid up and down the street.

The crow hops along eating the trail of food.

A large net collapses around him, and strings him up to a large tree.

MONTAGE: INT. OFFICE

Acorn stares at Elliot drawing at his artist desk.

    ACORN Lemme see.

Elliot shows him the paper.

    ACORN Here I come to save the day.

    ELLIOT Looks good.

    ACORN Yeah. Superhero time. If he can’t save us, nothing can.

MINUTES LATER…

A fog filled office.

The swirling mist parts as a blur of blue and red flies through. It bursts through the roof and flies into the sky.

    ACORN I guess there are some bigger problems in the world today.

    ELLIOT Some superhero.

    ACORN Well, yeah. When you think about it.

    ELLIOT I’m running out of ideas.

    ACORN Not yet. We can’t fight him out in the open.

MONTAGE: INT. HOUSE 

Another attack from the Crow on the stairwell.

The crow opens its wings, but there isn’t enough space.

Acorn yawns and slingshots a giant nut at the Crow’s face.

MONTAGE: INT. OFFICE

The friends are huddled over the computer.

    ELLIOT It’s hopeless. How do we beat him?

    ACORN Nothing’s hopeless. You should know that, El. We just gotta think.

    ELLIOT We can look up pictures on the computer.

    ACORN Computer?

    ELLIOT Yeah. We can use the Internet.

    ACORN Wait a tick… We need someone else to help. It’s WEIRD SCIENCE time.

    ELLIOT No way.

    ACORN Yes way.

CUT TO:

Elliot and Acorn with bras on their head.

    ACORN She helped out those nerds. She can do anything.

    ELLIOT Let’s just hope she knows how to take care of giant cartoon birds.

    ACORN It’s Kelly LeBrock. She can perform miracles. We just need a picture of her.

    ELLIOT We’ll check the Internet.

    ACORN Internet? That’s what Emily said. What is it?

    ELLIOT It’s kinda like a library. With every book or every movie or every–

    ACORN Whoah. What? Sounds like you’d never turn it off.

    ELLIOT Some of us don’t.

    ACORN Well, let me type it in. Let’s see. Hot girl.

    ELLIOT No no no, don’t type that. The Internet isn’t for kids. You’ll get– Well, you’ll see–

    ACORN Boobies? Like that time we found that magazine in the ditch?

    ELLIOT Um. Yeah. Something like that. So. Let me.

CUT TO:

The office fills with thin mist. As KELLY LeBROCK from the 80s movie WEIRD SCIENCE actually appears.

Elliot’s jaw drops in awe.

    KELLY Boys. How can I be of service?

    ELLIOT Service?

    ACORN You’ll have to excuse my friend. He’s holidazed and confused… Plus, he doesn’t get out much.

    KELLY I can handle that. Is that all you require of me?

    ELLIOT Um. We seem to have a little bit of an infestation problem.

    KELLY I see. Do you wish me to rid you of this vermin?

    ELLIOT The squirrel? No, no. It’s a whole different kind of vermin.

    ACORN Heh, watch who you’re calling vermin.

MONTAGE: Ext. Backyard

The crow lands. Kelly whistles. He hops over. She points to the living room.

There sits a female crow with a pink bow on her head. She bats her eyelashes at the Crow.

SECONDS LATER…

The two crows fly away over the horizon of this small town.

MONTAGE: INT. KITCHEN

Kelly LeBrock makes the boys some lunch.

Elliot just stares at her bare mid-drift and her cut off t-shirt. His dream girl from long ago.

    ACORN You need a bib?

Elliot snaps to. Acorn laughs at him. They both laugh.

    ACORN Okay. Ready for a road trip.

END MONTAGE:

EXT. HOUSE – DAY

Elliot carries a cardboard box out to his modest Sedan.

His neighbour is shoveling her driveway. Emily has her own small pink shovel, as she helps her mom.

She notices Elliot.

    EMILY Mister Avery?

    ELLIOT Oh, hi Emily. Merry Christmas.

HANNAH… as played *here only* as ALISON PILL

Emily’s mother, HANNAH (30s), turns around, she lifts her toque slightly.

    HANNAH Merry Christmas, Elliot.

    ELLIOT (nervous) Hannah? Um… Happy Holidays.

    HANNAH Did you get my message?

    ELLIOT Oh. About that. Sorry. I was swamped by work. Like super busy.

    HANNAH On Christmas Eve? You could have just said no, Elliot. I’d understand.

    ELLIOT No? No. It’s not like that. Hannah, I… I–

    HANNAH What’s in the box?

    ELLIOT Um. It’s. It’s–

    EMILY A Holiday surprise. Don’t ruin it mommy.

    HANNAH What’s that?

    EMILY It’s a gift.

    ELLIOT Yeah. For Goodwill.

    HANNAH Oh. We should come with. I have a whole–

    ELLIOT Well, that–

    EMILY Awww. But mom you said we could play inside after we shoveled the driveway.

    HANNAH Emily. Listen good. There are others out there on Christmas who are less fortunate. And we–

    ELLIOT Hannah. I’ll take your stuff for you. No worries.

    HANNAH Really?

    ELLIOT Really.

    HANNAH Thanks. One second. You finish up your side, you lil’ devil you.

Hannah pops into her garage. Emily steps towards Elliot.

    EMILY (whispers) Told you. I got your back, guys.

Acorn pops up from the box. He winks at her.

Emily winks back.

Elliot sets the box inside his car. He walks down the driveway, to help Hannah next door.

Acorn peeks out even more and waves Emily over.

She gleefully climbs the snowbank and heads for Elliot’s car. She looks back to make sure no one’s watching.

Elliot walks up her driveway. He smiles at Emily.

    ELLIOT Hannah. Let me give you a hand.

INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS

Acorn’s head peers out of the carboard box.

    ACORN Emily. I need you to do something for me.

    EMILY What is it, Kevin?

    ACORN What do you think about Elliot?

    EMILY He’s cool. Why?

    ACORN Does he seem sad to you?

    EMILY My mom says it’s cuz he lost a friend when he was little like me.

Acorn watches Emily, as he struggles to hide his emotions.

    EMILY (os, cont.) I think that’s why he doesn’t have a wife or little kids or anything.

Tears build up, as the little squirrel fights them back.

    EMILY (OS, CONT.) He just can’t forget what happened. Cuz it was his bestest friend ever.

Emily pets Acorn on the head.

    EMILY Don’t you be sad. It’s just, well, it makes Mister Avery upset cuz his friend isn’t here to play with anymore. But, I shouldn’t say too much. She says I’m not a-posed to talk about it.

    ACORN (choked up) Oh.

    EMILY It’s like when my daddy got sick. And… he died… You just don’t talk about that stuff.

    ACORN I’m sorry.

    EMILY It’s okay. My mom is more sad about it. Why do you wanna know so much?

    ACORN I just wanted to make sure… Your mom? Will you give her something for me?

    EMILY What is it? A Christmas present?

    ACORN Yeah. Something like that.

Acorn pulls out an envelope. It says “The Girl Next Door” on the front.

    EMILY “The girl next door”? Is that for me?

    ACORN No. It’s just a saying. It means like Winnie Cooper.

    EMILY Winnie who?

    ACORN That isn’t important. This is to help make them not sad anymore.

    EMILY Really? What is it?

    ACORN A secret.

    EMILY You can tell me. ‘member, I got your back.

    ACORN It’s grown-up stuff.

    EMILY Oh. Okay.

    ACORN Just… Can you give it to her once we drive away?

Emily looks at the envelope. She takes it from Acorn. Then nods affirmative.

    EMILY Then, when you come back. Can we play outside?

    ACORN Emily? I don’t know if I will be back.

    EMILY What?

    ACORN It’s Holiday Magic, and I don’t–

    HANNAH (OS) There you are. Whatcha doin’ Emily?

Acorn zips back into the box. Hidden.

Emily turns with a smile, the envelope held behind her back.

    EMILY Just helping.

Acorn peeks through a crack in the box. He smiles.

FADE:

EXT. ROAD – day

A family sedan races down the empty winter road.

INT. CAR – continuous

Elliot drives. Christmas tunes play on the radio.

Acorn sits in the passenger seat. He takes off his robber mask. He looks out the window, watching the winter wonderland race by.

    ACORN Will they remember me?

    ELLIOT If I can see through it. So can they.

    ACORN (holds up paws) It’s not like I, uh, look the same.

    ELLIOT Yeah. But you are. You’re Kevin. When you were 10. You act the exact same.

    ACORN Ya. I feel the same too. But this whole, I’m a squirrel thing. How will they– I don’t know what–

    ELLIOT Sure. It will hurt their brains a bit. But it’ll be worth it, Kev.

    ACORN How long can I stay?

    ELLIOT As long as you like. If they believe all this… Well, you’ll be home buddy. That’s gotta be the best Christmas gift I’ll ever give. Like, ever.

    ACORN But… It’s… Well, I didn’t even recognize YOU.

    ELLIOT Things change. But we figured it out, didnt’ we. Listen, it’s the holidays, maybe they’ll just go with it. We all need something to believe in… Sometimes.

    ACORN Yeah. But this? This is–

    ELLIOT & ACORN Nuts.

EXT. CAR – continuous

Laughter comes from the car as they continue down the long road.

FADE:

EXT. HOUSE – DAY

A perfect suburban family home. Decorated full of lights. A snowman on the front lawn.

In the driveway, stands Elliot. He looks back to the parked car. Acorn looks out, his paws pressed against the window.

INT. CAR – CONTINIOUS

Acorn watches Elliot approach the front door.

The door opens and it’s Kevin’s sister, KATHERINE. 30 now. She looks puzzled by Elliot’s arrival.

Acorn can’t hear what they say, but he’s got a good idea. His eyes well up with tears as he watches them hug.

Headlights come from behind Acorn. The car pulls into his sister’s driveway.

He starts to cry, even though a smile grows large.

His parents (in their 60s) ease their way out of their car.

The squirrel cries.

In the side mirror is his reflection (with the message: “OBJECTS ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR”), showing the small 10 year old Kevin – freckles and all.

INT. HOUSE – afternoon

The large Christmas tree towers over the presents below. The tree is full of ornaments, and tinsel, and lights.

There are three small children at play. Katherine watches them fondly.

She looks to a photo with a younger family. It’s her kids, 2 years ago. And her husband with his arm around her.

Elliot sits on the couch with a steaming mug of cider. He is all smiles watching the family around them.

He looks to Katherine. He notices that she is looking at the photo. He follows her gaze.

There is another photo that shows her husband. It’s frame is etched: “R.I.P. 1980-2011”.

Acorn sits on the couch next to his greying parents. They hold hands, their eyes full of tears, and smiling sweetly.

Katherine hands Acorn a large present with a bow.

Acorn takes it. He shakes it.

She takes a picture with her digital camera. He poses with a cheesy smile. He continues to shake the gift.

    ACORN (scratches head) Let see. It’s not underwear… It’s not a Sega Genesis. That’s old fashioned now… Let’s see… Holy farp.

    MOM (scolds) Kevin.

    DAD You know your mother hates that word.

Katherine looks to the camera screen, at the photo she just took. Acorn is a blur. She taps the screen. It ZOOMS in.

It’s like there are 2 images together: one human, one squirrel – blurred and nearly indistinguishable.

She looks up, perplexed. She looks to Elliot. They share a smile. Elliot nods towards Acorn.

Acorn opens the present. It’s a large acorn.

He smiles large. 

    ACORN Who gave me this? Mom?

Mom and Dad shrug.

    ACORN El? Of course.

    ELLIOT Not me. Check the name tag. Maybe it was Santa, Kev?

Acorn checks the torn wrapping paper. The tag says: “TO KEVIN, FROM SANTA”.

    ACORN But Santa–

    ELLIOT Holiday miracles are real, Kev. Don’t ruin it now.

The squirrel looks around to his smiling family.

They all surrender to the holiday magic.

Acorn scratches his head again. MAGICALLY, he shimmers into human form. A 10 year old boy. Kevin.

    KEVIN You’re right… I think the pumpkin chariot comes by at midnight, so let’s celebrate the holidays the right way while we still can.

Elliot nods. Kevin turns to his parents. They cry, holding their small boy.

Elliot looks around. The Christmas tree. All the presents. The smiling kids playing with toys.

He looks to Katherine. They share a smile.

Elliot walks over to her. They clink mugs.

    ELLIOT They’re so happy.

    KATHERINE Thank you, Elliot. We needed this. We’ve been through so much as a family.

    ELLIOT Katherine… I’m sorry. For–

    KATHERINE I know. But, you’ll never know how much this means to us. Even if it’s just today. It means the world.

Elliot and Katherine share a moment.

    ELLIOT To me too.

They hug each other. A nice warm genuine hug.

Katherine looks to Elliot. Face to face.

They share a soft smile. Are they about to kiss?

She laughs to herself.

    ELLIOT What?

    KATHERINE Elliot? You sure you can’t stay for a while?

Elliot laughs. Awkward.

He looks to the couch.

Kevin’s parents hold him tightly.

    ELLIOT No. I think it’s best if you guys spend some time alone. Um, together. I mean, as a family.

Elliot and Kevin share a look. A moment. They nod to one another. And smile.

    KATHERINE You sure?

    ELLIOT I just wanted to give you guys–

Kevin interrupts, running over to Elliot’s side.

    KEVIN Wait. Open my present first.

    ELLIOT Present?

    KEVIN Duh. It’s Christmas, you farp. Of course I got you a present.

    ELLIOT But I didn’t get you one.

Kevin leads Elliot towards the tree. A long box is wrapped.

    KEVIN You’re kidding right. You brought us all together.

Elliot nods. He starts to open the wrapping paper.

    KEVIN (cont.) I’m not gonna get all mushy like you. But you gave us the best gift ever. Now it’s your turn. Open it.

Elliot laughs so hard. A genuine belly laugh.

    ELLIOT Is that what I think it is?

    KEVIN So you DO remember? A promise is a promise.

The unwrapped present is a long wooden crate with “FRAGILE” stenciled on the side.

    ELLIOT & KEVIN “Fra-gee-lay… Must be Italian.”

The two friends laugh even harder.

    ELLIOT You said it didn’t exist. We made a bet. A long time ago.

    KEVIN Well, I found one… I think I drew it pretty well too.

    KATHERINE Drew?

    KEVIN Duh. Weren’t you paying attention earlier.

    KATHERINE The machine?

    KEVIN Exactomundo.

    KATHERINE Well, what is it? Open it.

    KEVIN Not with little kids around.

Elliot and Kevin laugh again.

    ELLIOT Thanks, buddy.

    KEVIN Thank you.

They hug for a moment. A genuine happy moment.

    KEVIN Now get outta here, you big wuss.

Mom and Dad watch their little son with Elliot. So happy.

Katherine plays with her children.

Elliot puts his coat on at the front door. Kevin hands him his gloves.

    ELLIOT Well, I guess this is good-bye.

    KEVIN Don’t say that.

    ELLIOT But the machine? I don’t know how this magic stuff works.

    KEVIN Who cares? Don’t think about that. What happens will happen. For now. I’m here… Because of you.

    ELLIOT I missed you, Kev.

    KEVIN I know, El… That’s why. When you get back home… You forget about me.

    ELLIOT What?

    KEVIN (sad) You heard me… (smirks) Do I need to repeat everything?

    ELLIOT But I can’t–

    KEVIN The girl next door, El. She’s waiting for you.

    ELLIOT Hannah? Emily’s mom.

    KEVIN Elliot? It’s time to move on.

Kevin hugs Elliot. They hold each other tight.

They separate. A soft smile. Elliot nods.

    ELLIOT See ya later, Kev.

    KEVIN That’s the spirit.

EXT. HOUSE – AFTERNOON

Elliot walks to his car, carrying the large wooden crate.

He looks back to the house.

The Christmas tree shines bright in the large front window.

He sees Kevin’s family inside.

Kevin runs to his parents on the couch.

INT. HOUSE – continuous

Katherine plays with her children at a toy race track.

Kevin sits on the couch. He nestles into his parents.

He looks up to them. One at a time.

    KEVIN I love you, guys. Sooo much… You’ll never know.

    MOM (soft) Oh. We know.

    MOM & DAD I love you.

They look to each other and share the most beautiful moment.

    KEVIN Merry Christmas.

EXT. HOUSE – afternoon

Snowflakes softly float past the large bay window.

The family inside laughs and hugs each other.

There is no squirrel in sight – just the regular 10 year old Kevin and his family.

Kevin races cars with the other kids on a retro racetrack that curves up on the wall.

Kevin’s dad walks over to his mom at the window.

They both wave goodbye to Elliot in the driveway.

Elliot waves back, and enters his car.

Mom and dad turn and watch the kids play.

They share a warm embrace, as snow continues to fall on the winter wonderland.

FADE:

EXT. STREET – night

Elliot drives down the snowy street.

All the houses are lit with holiday decorations.

He stares out his car window as he drives.

Christmas lights reflect and bounce off the clear surface, dancing over his face.

EXT. HOUSE – night

Elliot pulls parks in his laneway.

He steps outside, and cranks his neck skyward.

He watches the snowflakes fall.

    HANNAH (OS) You ready for that drink, Elliot?

Elliot turns to see Hannah at her front door.

    ELLIOT Hannah?

    HANNAH Looks like Santa’s playing matchmaker with us.

She holds an envelope in one hand, a letter in the other.

    ELLIOT Santa?

Emily pops out of the door behind her mother.

    EMILY Yeah. It’s a holiday wish come true.

    ELLIOT (laughs) Come on over, guys.

INT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

The front hallway is a mess from earlier attacks with the crow. There are arrows stuck in the wall, and broken furniture strewn about.

    ELLIOT You’ll hafta excuse the mess.

    EMILY Don’t worry, Mister Avery, she knows all about it.

    ELLIOT She– You do?

    HANNAH Uh, yeah. The letter. Only now I’m starting to believe it a whole lot more.

    KELLY (os) Dinner’s ready.

Elliot whips his attention to the kitchen.

Kelly LeBrock stands there, scantily clad.

    ELLIOT It’s not what you think. Um, THAT I can explain… Sort of.

The conversation fades in volume as Elliot leads Hannah and Emily down the long hallway.

    KELLY It’s getting cold.

    ELLIOT Um, right this way.

    HANNAH I imagine this is a nice place. Normally.

    ELLIOT We’ll talk about it over dinner.

    HANNAH Why do I recognize her? Do I know who she is?

    ELLIOT Kelly LeBrock? Um. Well, that’s a good place to start… Remember that movie WEIRD SCI–

They enter the kitchen.

MONTAGE: KITCHEN

It looks amazing. The kitchen has been completely decorated for the Holidays.

There is a steaming turkey resting on the table.

Elliot smiles large.

Kelly cuts the turkey and serves them all.

They enjoy Christmas dinner. Smiles and laughter.

Kelly stands at the kitchen entrance, watching them.

She holds a packed suitcase. She turns and leaves without saying her goodbyes.

They continue their feast.

Elliot laughs with Hannah.

Emily seems to be re-enacting the snowball attack earlier. She pretends to jump back in slow-motion firing her fingers like they were guns.

EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT

Snowflakes fall on the Winter Wonderland.

There is a wooden crate cracked open and resting at the end of the driveway. It’s marked “FRAGILE”.

Elliot’s front window glows with decorations. Red and green lights blink on and off.

Instead of a Christmas tree taking up the main window, it is a long female leg in stockings, with a lampshade as a skirt.

Emily bursts out of the front door, dressed for outside.

She is quickly followed by a chuckling Hannah and Elliot.

They have a snowball fight in the front yard.

EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS

Most of the houses along the street have their lights off. Even the outdoor decorations.

Elliot and Hannah’s houses are the only ones with all the lights on.

An upstairs light goes out across the street.

EXT. HOUSE – continuous

Emily throws a snowball.

It hits Elliot in the face. The slush drips down.

Emily laughs. Then Elliot and Hannah join in.

Hannah wipes away some slush.

    HANNAH There’s a lil’ something on your face.

    ELLIOT Tell me about it.

They share a moment, looking into one another’s eyes.

They smile.

    EMILY Eww. You’re not gonna smooch now are you?

They laugh.

    ELLIOT One thing at a time, right.

    HANNAH Right. We have time.

A black feather floats down between them.

    EMILY Look.

Emily points to the sky.

Elliot notices the feather. Fear sinks in. His smile fades.

He cranks his neck skyward.

The two giant crows are back…

…they fly in a circle. Together. Happy.

    EMILY Aww. Look. Love birds. Like you guys.

    HANNAH (scolding) Emily.

    EMILY What? That was funny. Um, right?

    ELLIOT Say, what time is it?

    EMILY It’s way past my bed time.

    ELLIOT (smiles) That’s what I was thinking.

    HANNAH What is it?

    ELLIOT No, no. Nothing.

    HANNAH You alright?

    ELLIOT Yeah. I will be. Once I get revenge for that slush-ball to the face.

    EMILY Noooo.

Emily runs away.

Elliot chases her around the yard, with snow in his hand.

Hannah watches with a smile. Then she joins in.

Emily leads them in circles, until Hannah crashes into Elliot. They fall to the ground, laughing.

They stare up at the snowflakes falling down on them.

Emily plops onto the ground in between them.

Snow falls on this happy moment, as all three watch the night sky – the twinkling stars and cascading snowflakes.

FADE OUT:

 THE END

What did you think?

I hope you enjoyed this little bit of Holiday entertainment.

For a bonus feature…

Enjoy a holiday video from Jay Baruchel & Alison Pill

(real life couple, and real life fellow Canadians)